Dearly Departed

(From late 2008 or early 2009)

The petals I pluck, one by one
Sinking in lost love that cannot be outdone
The corpses of days past float in my mind
To your memory I will be ceaselessly confined
Your smile so rare still lights up my heart
Not even death can make it from my mind depart
Six feet under, yet you’re with me each day
But at the same time you’re so very far away
Your life was like a halfhearted ash in a dying flame
For wanting to give it away you I cannot blame
I only wish you had not left me in this mess
My dearly departed, my heart you still possess
So I apologize for loving you, a dead man
It was truly never part of the plan
For butchered love is only love that no longer holds sense
There is nothing more I can say in my defense

Choke on words

(From 2008)

Choke on words
Tongue swimming in the sea of unsaid statements
Chopping, spinning, creating enormous waves
Throat closed as a warning to keep the secret buried
Pure utterance becomes such a chore
Thoughts tumble around in the head, planning their escape
The weak sound of a muffled “No!” erupts
Then a scream, shrill and earsplitting, fills the air—
A memory that’s finally shattered clenched teeth

Tomorrow

(From February 2009)

There is a tomorrow
That seems so far from home
From today’s events it will borrow
In your mind they will forever roam

But yesterday will still remain
Contaminate the air
It will inflict immeasurable pain
Leaving you in vast despair

Oh, the curses of a new day!
You can never leave the old behind
To the world your mistakes will be on display
And with your new ones they’ll be intertwined

I am now who you want me to be

I am now who you want me to be—
My desires and hopes have perished.
I’ve let my dreams wither away like a dying flower,
Once breath-taking and now never to be enjoyed again.
I gave you all of me:
My heart, my soul, my mind,
So here I am, a new person,
I am now who you want me to be.
What else will it take to make you love me?

Flames

Calm as a ripple in the ocean

It flickers left and right

Way too hot to touch

It illuminates the dark night

Innocent as a tumor

It completely devours time

Dancing this way and that

It eats away the grime

Greetings from the Asylum

I wrote this poem with my best friend, Kim.

Greetings from the asylum,
Where many crazies have sat and waited,
Anticipating something unknown,
Continuously sedated.

The white walls and sterile surroundings
Are enough to drive anyone mad,
But as long as meds are on time,
No one’s ever sad.

The nurses in their squeaky shoes
Will give us friendly smiles,
While really they’re just trying
To find something to put in our files.

I have so many therapists
That I don’t even know their names.
I lay on their worn couches
While I'm forced to play mind games.

We’re all taught how to reprogram,
How to fix a damaged mind.
Therapeutically restored,
We become a new kind.

For now I’ll stand in line,
And wait for my next pill.
We all just want to leave,
But some of us never will.

Hello Doctor

Hello Doctor, how are you today?
I'm not so good, much to my dismay.
Even with your Prozac I'm falling apart.
Mastering happiness is a delicate art.
You want to increase the dosage I take?
Well, you can try, but it might be a mistake.
You see, you're running out of chances to fix me.
Tell me the truth, do you not agree?
I'm getting so tired of living this life.
I just want to get rid of all my strife.
No, I can't promise you that I'll be secure.
I don't know how much more of this I can endure.
Fine, I'll go back to your loony bin.
But the whole time I'll be waiting for my life to end.

Bipolar

Are you manic...
The midnight silence surrounds me
My mind is racing fast
I couldn't feel any more complete
And the past is merely the past

These nights I undergo insomnia
But it's hardly any suffering at all
While the rest of the world is fast asleep
I am having a ball

My endless energy flows freely
And I have no need to worry
I jump from impulse to impulse
Because I am in such a hurry

I know this feeling will soon end
It always has, always will
But while it lasts I will enjoy it
It's better than taking any pill

...or depressed?
Another bad ending
Another broken heart
Another shredded promise
Another world torn apart

Another pair of scissors
Another time she'll cry
Another ruined life
Another time she'll die

Another attempt at love
Another chance she takes
Another failed relationship
Another cut she makes

Another hallucination
Another suicidal thought
Another sad poem
Another day distraught